Food Autonomy for Children
In this article, I’d like to discuss meals that are provided to children, how they’re provided, and most importantly how much Autonomy you allow the children to have during these times.

But first, I want you to imagine the following scenario if you can, that of you, yourself, visiting a restaurant. Buckle up, because this is a long paragraph ahead, and it’s an intentionally long and exhausting one...

Imagine entering a restaurant and being rushed (not escorted politely) to take a seat. Imagine having a serviette crammed inside the top you wear without any warning or discussion. Imagine having the food you were about to eat dished up for you without any conversation as to what you’d actually like on your plate. Imagine being told that you had to eat it in any case. Imagine being told that you had to eat it in its entirety. Imagine saying that you don’t actually want that food given to you but you’re told that you have to eat at least “some of it” before being offered anything else. Imagine being told that you wouldn’t be offered anything else at all, whatsoever. Imagine sitting there with your friends and being told that you’re not to talk to them. Imagine being told to eat quickly, because they want to take the dishes. Imagine asking for seconds, and after being given that you realise you’re not quite as hungry as you thought, but you’re told to stay at the table and finish it, all of it. Imagine being treated like this, as an adult, at a restaurant...

Would you enjoy that experience? Of course not.

Would you return to such a restaurant? Again, of course not.

Now also imagine that you had no choice in that. Imagine that you did have to return, and it wasn’t your choice at all…

Everything you just read of in that very long, exhausting paragraph are aspects that I’ve seen children be subjected to. And they simply shouldn’t be. Everything from how we offer bibs to children, how we offer food, how we invite them to eat, how we present that space for them during meal times… these are all things that should be measured with those exact words – “offering”, “inviting”, “presenting” – and all that those kinder, considerate words should entail.

I’ve said it elsewhere in other discussions, and I’ll very much say it again, here…

In EVERY interaction you have with children in an Early Years setting, be it Long Day Care and even in parenting, ask yourself if you'd speak or act in that same manner to an adult. If you'd cringe seeing any of your actions carried out in Aged Care, Nursing or ANY carer setting, then those actions do NOT belong in an Early Years setting either. Children are just at an earlier stage of the same journey that we all take and, regardless of age or ability, they always deserve our respect.

So, with that said, let’s move on to some key points that I think we should all consider regarding Food Autonomy for children.

Consent
I’m starting with this one because I think it’s critically important in regards to so much more than just Food Autonomy. If a child is eating and they ask for seconds but then they change their mind... LET THEM!

Allowing them the freedom to change their mind in this regard not only teaches them how valuable their own consent is, but also that they should respect the consent of others, which includes everyone’s right to withdraw consent and have that respected without question. You’re also teaching them that they should feel confident in voicing how they physically react to not just that situation but any situation.

If you insist that they finish that food, you're teaching them that their consent DOES NOT MATTER and that they don't have the RIGHT to WITHDRAW it. Honestly, why would you want to teach them that? Why would you want to teach them that it’s a right they should not only withhold from themselves but also withhold from others.

Consent is an important thing for children to understand, because it affects the actions they’ll take as adults. And this is absolutely an opportunity to teach them a compassionate view of what consent should be.

Providing a Welcome Environment
When providing children with a time and space to eat, it’s so important to recognise that this is much more than a simple part of their daily routine and yours. This is an opportunity to allow the children to socialise in a manner that they don’t have when playing. This is the same as every time you’ve met with a friend for coffee, when you’ve had a night out with friends, when you’ve simply been allowed to talk and share.

If you think that meal times are a part of the day when the children should focus solely on eating and not on conversation, then you’re missing the entire point of eating communally, something that’s united people throughout all cultures and history.

For the children, this is their time to find their own culture, their own history. A time when they can form social connections that aren’t hindered by the diplomatic complexities of play. Essentially it’s a time when those children can just... be. It’s a time when they can share humour, stories, interests, themselves. And it’s a gorgeous thing to witness and be a part of.

But only if you allow them that. And I sincerely hope you do.

Food Aversions
I’m referring to this as Food Aversions, but many might refer to this as “Food Avoidance”, and I wish that wasn’t the case. Children who have very real sensory differences (differences – not issues) are not “avoiding” foods they don’t like. This implies that they’re doing so by choice and as an act of will that’s all too often regarded as being a stubborn gesture. And it’s not. It really isn’t!

Children with sensory differences are averse to eating foods that cause them discomfort because of just that – those foods cause them discomfort and distress. If a child’s already told you – either verbally or otherwise – that they dislike a food because of how they react to it, trying to get them to eat it repeatedly will not get them “used to it”, and if it does, it’s only because you’ve taught them to set aside their own physical discomfort to accommodate and appease others. And even then, you’ve only achieved this by forcing that decision (one that can affect how they advocate for themselves as adults) by denying them a choice in the matter.

You may hear Autistics and Neurodivergents refer to what are called “safe foods”. This isn’t a term that’s used lightly. This refers to foods that are not only of comfort, but are considered just that – safe. These are foods that offer a reliable consistency in texture, taste, smell, touch, in all the senses. While the prospect of eating food that’s surprisingly different to how it may have previously tasted may seem like a small inconvenience to some, or even no inconvenience at all, to those with sensory differences it can be a very distressing experience. One that can very much throw their emotional and cognitive processes into disarray.

You may also have some children who don’t like their food to be touching, or they don’t like the shape it’s presented as. This, too, can be an experience that they find sincerely distressing. It’s honestly not a big task to accommodate these preferences for children who are actually distressed by anything like that, but it is a remarkably big gesture of empathy and validation if you do accommodate those children.

In Summary
Regarding all the above, at the end of the day, every day, if you feel like making these accommodations for children impacts your time, then you’re focusing on just that – your time, and not that of the children.

Please make sure that all engagement with the children is respectful. If a child is not eating, don’t simply tell them “to eat”. Ask them why they’re not eating, have a conversation about the food. Meal times are as much of a learning experience as play, not just a part of the day you should rush through.

If you find yourself ever forgetting that... simply picture yourself at that restaurant.

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