Sometimes a child may not be able to properly express what is frustrating them. Sometimes they may not have even had the time to consider that they’re frustrated, only the time in that current moment to react.

If a child is overwhelmed and there’s been a noticeable shift in their actions or emotions, it can help to ask them if what’s troubling them is an “Inside Feeling” or an “Outside Feeling”.

Once a child has had these terms explained to them and what they mean, they may help in being prompts you can use to assist the child in recognising what might be affecting them.

Inside Feelings
An Inside Feeling can mean that they feel frustrated inside of themselves for reasons they may or may not understand or be able to control. If this is the case, it can help to have set activities or environments in place that might calm them and help them center themselves.

This can be fidget or sensory aids, a quiet area for them to spend time in if they’d like to, or simply offering them a one on one interaction if able to do so to help them talk through what they may be feeling within themselves.

Note: If any of these are used, DO NOT use them as anything of a form of discipline. You want the child’s access to these options to be a positive and supportive one when offered or if they come to seek these options out themselves when needed. They are entitled to this support and it should NEVER be withheld.

Asking a child to consider if what they’re experiencing is an Inside Feeling not only helps the child to recognise their own emotions when offered the chance to examine them with guidance if needed, but it will also help you in learning the different emotions that the child may have trouble expressing at times.

Part of this is learning the individual language of that child, both verbalised or unspoken, the words and cues that they may share with you to describe and share with you what they’re feeling. Not all communication is verbal, so you need to pay attention to what a child shares with you in many other ways. In cases such as this, it is your obligation - especially as an educator or carer - to learn the cues of that child, it is not the child's obligation or burden to meet your expectations. You are there to meet theirs.

Outside Feelings
An Outside Feeling can mean that something or someone outside of the child’s own self has caused them to become uncomfortable, frustrated or upset – this can be another child’s actions, the child’s own reaction to others, the child being hurt or distressed by something that is beyond that child’s control. Essentially, it's an external factor they have no control of that has shifted their mood.

Asking a child to consider if what they’re experiencing is an Outside Feeling can open a conversation with them (verbal or otherwise) about what might be done to change the situation they’re having trouble with, or how to find an alternative solution or comfort if it’s something that can’t be changed during that time.

Having the child (and yourself) explore what they consider to be an Outside Feeling can also help you recognise aspects within the child’s environment that may trigger frustration for them. This can range across everything that the child may experience – interactions with others, sensory input such as lighting or noise volume, routines or transitions between them that they find difficult, the number of children within the environment, and many other factors.

Recognising what the child might find challenging within their environment – and more importantly, helping the child recognise these things also – can help you change what you can to limit what might frustrate them or to find ways to offer a means of countering these situations for the child.

More often than not, any accommodations you make for children who find it hard to navigate their environment... those changes will not negatively impact the children who are not affected. They will most often easily adjust to any required changes. Not doing so, however, will affect that child who feels a very real discomfort, and it will affect them in ways that can have a long-term impact upon their sense of self and worth.

Things to Note
* When trying to connect and assist a child who is overwhelmed and distressed, please try to do so once the child is accessible and welcoming of that assistance. Trying to do otherwise while they are still overwhelmed will only add to their distress.

* Making a learning environment welcoming to all children, especially those who are Neurodivergent, promotes a culture of inclusion that not only makes those children feel accepted and valued, but also fosters empathy and understanding in all children within that environment.

* Language MATTERS! When interacting with all children, especially those who are struggling with an environment or situations beyond their control, choose your words carefully. Using negative words and connotations not only diminishes the self-esteem of the child you're talking with, but it also affects how they're perceived by their peers. This is an important thing to be mindful of, as a negative perception of any child is something that they may carry from one educational setting to another and, more importantly and sadly, into their adult life.

And finally...
There is NO SUCH THING as a child with "challenging behaviour", only children who are challenged by their environment. It is up to us to support them by providing environments that meet their needs.