Meanwhile… 029
Meanwhile… 029
Trigger Warnings: OCD, Anxiety & Germaphobia.
One of the things (among many) that I’ve found hard about both 2020 and the move into 2021 is shaking off the hypervigilance that I had to maintain during the height of Covid-19 infections in my home state.
It’s particularly hard also if you (as is my case) have ever had traits of OCD (Obsessive Compulsion Disorder). In my late teens and early 20’s – and to some degree, to this day - simple acts such as switching off lights, eating or getting dressed required certain actions for me to avoid feeling anxious, such as how I might do these things, how many times, when, where and other variables.
One of the worst for me was hand-washing, which has some irony in itself as I’m loathe to shower because it’s a sensory nightmare for myself. At my most fragile, I was washing my hands some 60 to 70 times a day with no need to do so, to the point where at times it drew blood.
Before realising that the dread I felt was due to anxiety attacks, for some time I linked it to absurd reasoning tied in with OCD – something that many people do when dealing with both.
If I didn’t do something a particular way, something bad would happen – it was as simple a thought process as that. Simple, but overwhelming.
It took years for me to recognise the mechanics of how my brain operated in this way, long before I was recognised as being Autistic.
The heightened vigilance in hygiene during this ongoing pandemic (which is completely valid, trust me – this narrative is in no way meant to dismiss any precautions required because they literally save lives) is a very hard thing to navigate if it ties in with anxiety and OCD.
This cartoon is simply my own means of processing that reminder that sometimes what you need to wipe clear is the burden you carry within yourself.
In as much as we do have to be aware about managing the spread of the virus, remember to sanitize your soul now and then, and if that means seeking help or simply discussing it with someone you trust, do so.
Stay safe. Be kind to yourself.
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