Meanwhile… 026
Part of my own experience as being Autistic is that I'm very sociable. Extremely so. You could put me in many situations with people and I can easily adapt and talk, engage, "do" very comfortably - but it's tiring.
Because a lot of that comes down to social mimicry. By that I don't mean that there's anything of insincerity to my interactions, but rather that I will consciously be aware of what sort of person you are and what sort of person I need to be to get along with you.
Social mimicry means that, if we click, I understand how you "operate" as a personality and can access parts of my own personality that operate at the same level. It's an algorithm that my brain (and heart) follows to form and express a connection with you.
But your algorithm and operating system may differ to others that I also get along with, and were you to see me engaging with them, it might come across as me being a completely different person, when in fact it's actually a facet - a reflection, albeit an honest one - of how I connect with someone else.
From my own experiences (because I wouldn't , nor should, speak to the experiences of others), social mimicry isn't a deceitful thing. Nor is it "pretending" or even "learned behaviour". It's a bond. But it's firm in what that bond is, and what the expectations of that bond are. It's safe. It's trustworthy.
For a long time, my social interactions were many, but they were also compartmentalised. Some were a one on one bond where I had friends I'd meet for a drink or coffee. Others were a group dynamic, but confined to that one group. They were familiar and safe in that I could be very open with aspects of myself that would be welcomed by any one of those social dynamics.
Those times when any of those dynamics would overlap, however... Those times were confusing.
You might be thinking that this is part of the norm for many people in regards to socialising and not necessarily an Autistic trait, and yes, that may be true to some degree. But as an Autistic, one of the ways it affects me is that when there's an overlap of different social circles it requires more effort - both consciously or otherwise - and it can be very taxing, frustrating and isolating, especially when the easiest option is to withdraw into yourself and just "not".
Not engage.
Not talk.
Not bother.
Not care.
The latter is one I found easy to embrace for a long period of my life when drinking became my default in any social situation because everything was more fluid and filtered. And sometimes erratically angry.
I was the piano that had been drinking, for those who are fans of Tom Waits. That's a song for another day, though.
Meanwhile... this. A Rubik's Cube was the best way I felt I could express what social mimicry is in both its positives and negatives.
Note: Choosing a puzzle toy to express this in no way implies anything of the "Puzzle Piece". The Puzzle Piece can go fuck itself. Again, that's for another day. Maybe while drunk on the piano.
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